dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
