Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
