So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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