The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
