in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
