If i come over, it means nothing
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
