My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I want is dick and wine.
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