Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
