Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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