He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
worst night to have a conscience
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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