I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
