She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
