I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
