i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I didn't notice because vodka
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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