Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize