I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
