You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
