what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
