That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
