My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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