Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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