Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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