I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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