Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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