I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
