i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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