Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
