just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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