Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
