you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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