We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
