who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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