Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
