I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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