I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
