Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
