i just had sex bonerless
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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