Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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