your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
