Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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