her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
