If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
