you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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