i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
