So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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