WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
