I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
