Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
