i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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