I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
