is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
