Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
