Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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