We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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