he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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