Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I am midnight drunk by noon
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
