he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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