I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize