so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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