so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
