I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
