I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
