its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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