I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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