I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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