Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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