Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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