Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
