No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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