I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
