There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
third nipple confirmed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
