i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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