Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
