i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
