So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
