so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
sarcasm needs its own font
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
