her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.