At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.