so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
