I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.