I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.