After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.