Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im holly from the hills drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?