Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
